Admittedly, with the invention of the selfie stick, we can no longer deny that there is a little narcissist in all of us.
When mild self-glorification turns into self-obsession we call Narcissism. Now no narcissist will admit that he / she is a narcissist, but luckily you can easily pick them out. At least if you recognize the characteristics.
1# Narcissism and sense of superiority
A narcissist is always the highest in hierarchy. They are (in their own eyes) always the best, have the most, their way is always the right one. Ironically, this excessive sense of superiority also applies to less pleasant things such as illness, loss and anger. So that men are always extremely pathetic when they are sick is actually a characteristic of narcissism!
2# Attention and recognition
A narcissist needs constant attention and recognition. Attention and recognition from another. Nevertheless, it is never enough. No matter how much you praise a narcissist, a deep-rooted sense of uncertainty prevents them from really believing you.
Narcissists are pure perfectionists. Not only must they themselves be perfect, everything around them must also be perfect. You, events, situations … Because of course this is never the case in the real world, a narcissist is chronically dissatisfied.
4# Control freak
The need for a narcissist’s check goes far. A narcissist does not like unpredictability. After all, in his mind he has already completely figured out how ‘the story’ goes and how the players react. When you do something else, say or think the narcissist becomes angry and restless. A narcissist does not see you as a real person with his own thoughts and feelings, but only as a participant in his story.
Only when the situation is perfectly perfect is the narcissist responsible for it. In all other cases it is someone else’s fault. To maintain the perfect image, it is never the fault of the narcissist. Sometimes pointing to someone else in a general sense (politics, the boss, the mother / father) happens, but usually the narcissist chooses the person closest to the narcissist for this, since this safe person is unlikely to leave the narcissist.
A narcissist is genuinely surprised and even insulted when another indicates his limits. The difference between mine and thine is unknown to them. After all, everything belongs to them and everyone thinks and feels just like them. If they want something from you, they can act like a 2-year-old to get their way.
7# Empathic ability
A narcissist is usually selfish and has little to no empathy. In their experience, everyone thinks and feels exactly like them. They are blind to the feelings of others, so that guilt is excluded.
At the same time, in their need for recognition, they are very sensitive to rejection. If a narcissist does not notice your anger, you must go completely crazy. Subtle hints simply miss him. Be very clear in your anger too, sarcastic comments are taken literally by a narcissist. So, when you angrily shout that you always get soooooooo cheerful from those raised toilet seats, you can take a poison in that from now on it will always be up, just to please you.
Not only your emotions are strange to him, the narcissist also lacks any form of self-reflection to understand his own emotions. Just like guilt, his own emotions are also caused by someone else or something from outside.
8# Emotional logic
Explaining to a narcissist that his behavior is offensive is like talking to a wall. A narcissist is only aware of the presence his feeling. However, because a narcissist assumes that feelings are caused by external factors, the ‘solution’ is also sought externally. It is not uncommon for relationships to be broken or jobs to be canceled in the event of boredom or depression.
Decisions are also made on the basis of feeling and not because it is a good choice. For example, a narcissist can book an extremely expensive vacation to a tropical island, because it gives such a good feeling. Without looking at his bank account or the fact that this might not be a handy choice for a family with 3 children.
9# Black / white
For a narcissist, something is good or bad. And on top of that, all that is bad is the fault of someone else and all good is at their expense. Nuance does not know the narcissist. If a narcissist has been in a traffic jam, the whole day is ruined. Have you ever said or done something wrong then you will be a bad person for the rest of your life. A narcissist is unable to see both negative and positive aspects in one situation.
Fear is the counselor of a narcissist. An ever-present deep suppressed fear. For all. For rejection, for illness, for loss, for abandonment. This makes it almost impossible for a narcissist to trust another. The closer the relationship, the less trust. The more intimate, the greater the fear that your own imperfections will come to light. That another can love you, despite your imperfection, is not accepted by a narcissist. As a result, they also tend to constantly test you with bad behavior. When you finally throw in the towel, their feeling is confirmed again.
A person often suffers the most from the suffering he fears. This is especially true for a narcissist. A narcissist is constantly in turmoil for all the calamity that could happen. Some narcissists talk about this all the time, others suppress it, but most narcissists project their fear onto their loved one. The more afraid it becomes, the better the narcissist feels.
Despite the complete lack of guilt, a narcissist possesses much shame. This stems from the deep-rooted belief that he is a bad person. All the bad qualities that the narcissist attributes to himself must remain hidden from himself to others, because he is deeply ashamed of it.
13# Vulnerability and loving
It is impossible for a narcissist to be vulnerable and to really love. This is partly due to self-protection and partly due to the inability to understand feelings and lack of empathy. Only their perspective of the world exists. This emotional blindness makes them lonely, misunderstood and dependent. They are desperately looking for someone who understands them, feels their pain and makes the world the way they like it. However, they are totally unable to do the same for someone else.
A narcissist is a soloist. After all, cooperation requires empathy, trust, selflessness and understanding. All properties that a narcissist does not have. If you have a narcissist in your team, things will go their way, he will honor you and you will be blamed for everything that goes wrong. No chance!